In Sickness and Health

I am burning up with fever.

They have already tested me some today, and perhaps they will test me more. It is a joy to know they value me so much. It feels like love, that they would pay attention to me. I like catching them at it, too, asking the spirit if this thing, whatever it is, is a test and I figured it out.

It feels like a game we play together, the spirits and I, whose goal is my advancement. The tests are clever, thoughtful, and often something I just talked about with someone. They test to see if I mean it.

Oh, I mean it.

Tests are frustrating, but in them is a sweetness. I know they love me, and that’s why they test me. It’s always an opportunity for growth.

It is agonizing joy to burn, sharp as a knife and white hot.

There is no reassurance like knowing they will not let me be, will not let me rot into death.