The Gift of Time

Even when I worked as a dominatrix, I found the idea of simply existing and being rewarded for that difficult. Chalk it up to being raised more masculine than feminine. A crippling amount of child abuse with the goal of keeping me from getting ‘uppity’ did not help.

The lesson in front of me today involves time. I only have so much.

As I convert out of the 9-5 life, I find myself being gently reminded that spiritual work is a field with a truly innumerable amount of people to help, myself among them, and not that many workers.

The question I’m being asked by the spirit is this: do you want to give people your time not for spiritual reasons, not to help them, but because they want it? The appetite for time is almost insatiable. If every person you talk to spends as little as an extra 10 min talking to you, you’ll easily give hours of your day, and neither of you will get anything out of the interaction except tiredness.

You will drain yourself dry, for nothing.

Is that how you want to spend it? Do you want to give people that time—the benefit of your experience, the benefit of your magi, the fruit of your suffering, your years of excruciating labor—for free?

Increasingly, no, which means I’m going to have to start being very abrupt with people.

Only the divine knows how dearly I paid for what I have. It is up to me to enforce my price.

I intend to be expensive. I waded in my own blood to get here.